Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock jokes are the easiest jokes to learn. You only have to remember four lines.

Here is the whole thing: you say "knock knock." They say "who's there?" You say a name. They say that name back with "who?" on the end. Then you say the punchline. That's it. Once you know the shape, you can tell a hundred of them. You can also make up your own, and I'll show you how at the end.

How a knock knock joke works

Every single one goes like this:

1. You: Knock knock.
2. Them: Who's there?
3. You: Lettuce.
4. Them: Lettuce who?
5. You: Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

The trick is always in line 3. You pick a word that sounds like the start of a sentence. "Lettuce" sounds like "let us." That's the whole joke.

If nobody says "who's there?", just say it yourself and keep going. Works fine.

Easy knock knock jokes

Start with these. They are short and people get them fast.

• Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says moo.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that's why I knocked.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another one?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay. W. H. O.

That last one gets people every time. They fall for it and then they get cross about it.

Food knock knock jokes

Food ones are good because everybody knows the words already.

• Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive next door.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter let me in, I'm freezing.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it's a secret.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, I've been knocking for ages.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Pecan. Pecan who? Pecan somebody your own size.

The banana one is long on purpose. You have to do it three times before the joke lands. If the person gives up early, that's their fault.

Animal knock knock jokes

• Knock knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Yes, that's what owls say.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c— MOO.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the bags, you get the car.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana hold your hand.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Goat. Goat who? Goat to the door and find out.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Bee hive. Bee hive who? Bee hive yourself.

The interrupting cow only works if you shout MOO before they finish. If you wait, there is no joke. Timing is the whole thing.

Really bad knock knock jokes

These are the good ones. Bad is the point.

• Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? You just said it.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita borrow a pencil.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? ICE CREAM IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for dinner.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Waddle. Waddle who? Waddle you do if I tell you another one?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up.

A groan counts as a win. If somebody groans, the joke worked.

Jokes that break the rules

Some knock knock jokes cheat. They set up the pattern and then do something else. Those are my favorites.

• Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? It's "to whom."
• Knock knock. Who's there? Control freak. Now you say "control freak who?"
• Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who.

The control freak one is rude in a funny way, not a mean way. Keep it that way.

Knock knock jokes for school

Tell these at lunch. They work on teachers too, which is the best part.

• Knock knock. Who's there? Europe. Europe who? No, you're a poo.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Wire. Wire who? Wire you asking so many questions?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Theodore. Theodore who? Theodore wasn't open so I knocked.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the last one, I promise.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard I know?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I'd rather have peanuts.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use, I forgot the punchline.

That last one is a real joke, not a mistake. You say it like you messed up. Then people laugh at you and that counts.

Long ones worth the wait

Some jokes take a while. These are worth it if the person is patient.

• Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? I didn't know you had a cold.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Amos. Amos who? A mosquito bit me. Knock knock. Who's there? Andy. Andy who? Andy bit me again.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in, it's still cold.

The mosquito one is two jokes glued together. You need both halves or it makes no sense.

Make up your own

This is the part people think is hard. It isn't. There is a pattern and you just fill it in.

The pattern:

Step	What to do	Example
1	Think of a short sentence	"Let us in"
2	Find a word that sounds like the start	"Lettuce"
3	Put the word in line 3	Lettuce
4	Say the sentence as the punchline	Lettuce in!

Try it with these. Say each one out loud and listen for a word hiding inside it:

• "I don't know" → Dunno
• "Who goes there" → Hugo
• "Are you going to open up" → Aria
• "Weren't you expecting me" → Wernt

Say them out loud. Your ear finds it faster than your brain does. That's the actual trick — you cannot do this one quietly in your head.

Some of the ones you invent will be terrible. Keep those too. Terrible is a category.

My one rule for telling them

Don't explain the joke afterwards.

If they don't get it, say the punchline again but slower. If they still don't get it, go to the next joke. Explaining a knock knock joke kills it completely, and then you have to start again with a fresh person.

That's the whole art. Learn six, tell them badly, and keep the groans.

Want to see the stuff I actually build when I'm not annoying people with these? See what I built.

More soon.